Brandon Routh: Tall, Dark and Totally Unappreciated by Hollywood

A short while ago, I made the argument that in Hollywood, looks often win out over talent, despite the protests of Jessica Biel. (Again, shut the F*CK up, Jessica! You're not "too beautiful" to get roles. You don't get roles because your acting sucks a fat one and you have NO female fans because you won't ever shut your stupid fish-lipped mouth! But, I digress ...) 
What is truly baffling, though, is when an actor has both looks and talent and STILL slips through the cracks. We explored this problem when I lamented the lack of work for the lovely and talented Miss Emmy Rossum. Well, I'm bitching again, but this time, I'm lashing out on behalf of the lovely and talented Mr. Brandon Routh. 

Jennifer Aniston is the "Hottest Woman of All Time," I Respectfully Disagree..

It is pretty obvious to everyone that Jennifer Aniston is a stunning beauty. I'm not going to deny that. However, Men's Health Magazine labeling her "The Hottest Woman of All Time," is a gross over-statement.  I have decided that everyone who works at Men's Health Magazine is gay. Unless I am proven wrong, I will stand by my assumption. Why do I think they are all gay?

I have a girl crush on Mila Kunis. A big one.

When perusing Jan's fantastic analysis of The Kutch and his ongoing battle with douchebaggery, the photo of him with his That 70s Show co-star Mila Kunis reminded me of something: I friggin' LOVE Mila Kunis.

When did Ashton Kutcher become a Douchebag!?!?

Ashton Kutcher: The New Face Of Douche.


Let's begin, shall we?

Ashton Kutcher began his career participating in a IMTA (Modeling) competition. He placed second, losing to Josh Duhamel. However, his good looks did not go unnoticed, and NEXT modeling agency of New York quickly snatched up, and signed up, his apricot as$!

We've picked a new husband for Demi Moore!

Here at Somebody Thinks You're Fat ... we were SHOCKED about the Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher divorce, and by that we mean that we're extremely surprised that it didn't happen three years ago. Ashton "The Kutch" Kutcher has been sliding down the slippery slope of douchebaggery for quite some time now, and we all knew it was inevitable that he would eff this up. (For more on Ashton's doucheitude, see Jan's follow-up to this piece, an in-depth analysis titled "When did Ashton Kutcher become a douchebag?")

Do you think Ashton wore this ridiculous hat when he admitted to banging lots of random whores? I know I'd be more inclined to believe that it wasn't possible. Not in that chapeau.