Ladies and Gentlemen, as you now know, the Miami Heat did, in fact, triumph in the NBA Finals over the general excellence of Kevin “The Durantula” Durant and the rest of the Oklahoma City Thunder. You most likely heard about it from some stupid-ass loudmouth in your office/high school/jail cell/etc. coming in this morning and screaming, “Boomshakalaka!!! Go Heat! LEBRON!!!” … or words to that effect. And, as you may have guessed, yes, I did have some sort of arrangement riding on this, and yes, I lost … miserably … epically … begrudgingly. Gee, thanks OKC. Thanks a lot. Thanks a whole effing lot. So, as my payment of said bet, without further ado …
