Monday, January 2, 2012

Jared Leto to the World: I'm Sexy and I Know It

We headed to the bar, baby. Don't be nervous. No shirt, no shoes, and I still get service.

Jared Leto is a fascinating fellow in the sense that he wants nothing to do with anything that makes him special. He is a talented actor, but he instead chooses to spend the majority of his time fronting a rock band that produces fair-to-middling work at best. Even more baffling than this is the fact that he was born to be a standard for male hotness, but he wants no part of it. Rather than embrace his natural handsomeness, Jared does everything in his power to look as terrible/scary as possible.

Did he not receive the memo about how being insanely good-looking gives you every possible advantage in life?

When I'm at the mall, security just can't fight 'em off. 

Some (including Jared himself) might argue that a rejection of physical beauty and most Hollywood gigs is a way to achieve a more cerebral existence, and that is probably true. Jared doesn't give a sh!t about his appearance. He has his musings, his photography and his mediocre music to keep him at the level of contentment that his commitment to emo will allow. So, that's why I don't feel bad about laughing myself silly when I heard that GQ had named Jared "The Worst-Dressed Man in the World." Seriously, I guffawed so hard that I had to take a bathroom break. 

The title, as insanely hyperbolic as it is, is pretty fitting. Think about it. You might think the homeless guy you saw brownbagging a Colt 45 under the freeway overpass was wearing a pretty unfortunate ensemble, but I guarantee you that "Jesse the Bum" would NEVER be caught dead wearing this: 

When I walk on by, girls be looking like, "Damn, he fly." 

Nor would your friendly neighborhood hobo ever be sporting this ... 

Like Bruce Leroy, I got the glow. 

"Jesse the Bum" probably WOULD wear this ... but that's okay, he's homeless. Jared isn't (or he wasn't the last time I checked).

 I got passion in my pants, and I ain't afraid to show it ... 

Okay, Jared. We get it. Your clothes are terrible, and you don't give a f%ck about looking good (or your acting career). You don't want to be hot? Well, that's your call, man. Do what you do. You can rock all the ugly clothes, bad hair and freak makeup you want. Write your tortured songs. Dance your tortured dance. Contort your tortured face. Go wild! You're sexy, and you know it (even if nobody else does).

My only request: Just stop acting like a complete douchebag, m'kay? 

So, um ... yeah. That aforementioned "pants passion" ... you might want to direct it at someone who is not Paris Hilton.

Source: GQ Online

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Jan said...

I have always secretly (shamefully) considered Jared Leto to be one of the hottest guys in Hollywood. He's hot in kind of the way Captain Jack Sparrow is hot. He’s filthy and gross. It's the bad boy appeal I think... I never really paid to much attention to his attire.. but he does look like an idiot 24/7.. I don't know if her deserves a spot in my basement.. maybe after a shower and a change of clothing..

Anonymous said...

Hey, I personally knew Jessie the Bum, and he dresses better that Mr. Leto!
I personally wish Jared Leto would go back to his "My So-Called Life" look. I enjoyed that look.

Anonymous said...

He could still be a hotty if he would wear better stuff.

Meredith said...

I wanted to beat Jared's face in, "Fight Club"-style, after I found that picture of him with Paris Hilton. Dude, really?

Anonymous said...

Yuck! I am so grossed-out over the picture with Paris Hilton that i might hurl!

Anonymous said...

I love his band!!

Anonymous said...

I want some more Jordan Catalano!!! He was totally gorgeous!

Anonymous said...

Take a bath!

Anonymous said...

Ah, yes1 More Jordan, please!!!