Sunday, August 26, 2012

I got punched in the face with Rock 'n' Roll, via "The Voice" ... and I liked it.

If there is one thing that Jan and I believe wholeheartedly in, it's the power of karaoke. Drunkenly singing in bars and at parties is what makes the world go 'round. In fact, I firmly believe that we'd live in a much more peaceful world if leaders would get together, have a few beers, pick up a microphone, and perform a rousing duet of "We Built This City" before they make any firm decisions.

Now, you'd think that we'd be more than enamored of all the karaoke-based singing competitions that are on television, right? Well, my logical friend, you'd be dead wrong. Oh sure, we have our fun with American Idol ... but the entertainment value of it depends entirely of the train wreck factor it presents (Mariah, we're looking at you to carry that torch, and hopefully burn the motherf*cker down with it. Yeah!). So, color me shocked as hell that through the awesome power of OnDemand television, I got addicted to back episodes of The Voice, season two in particular.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Yeah, I'll just go ahead and start a rap career ...

There are certain things that almost everybody thinks they can do well - fighting, screwing, reading the news, etc. Unfortunately, because this is resoundingly untrue, a lot of people end up getting their asses kicked to kingdom come, spending Saturday nights alone by the phone, and saying things like, "Keep f*cking that chicken," on camera.

Another addition to that list ... rapping. EVERYBODY thinks they can rap, and sure, most people can in the technical sense ... but less than half a percent of the general population can do it in a manner that's worth a damn, and I'm including most of the people who are currently signed to the Young Money label.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Natalie Portman chose a fug wedding dress - Plus, five celebrity ladies who got it right

On August 4 - a day that I hold in low esteem for personal reasons having nothing to do with the subject at hand, so I don't know why I mentioned it - Natalie Portman, award-winning actress/fashionista/bad-ass rapper, married her Black Swan choreographer/baby daddy Benjamin Millepied. The wedding was kind of a big deal, as Natalie is a huge star and the wedding was unorthodox in the sense that it combined elements of Natalie's Jewish faith, her husband's French heritage and her choice to follow a vegan diet. To this I say, "Yeah, yeah, yeah ... let's see the dress!"

And, man, was I disappointed.

Friday, August 3, 2012

The Olympics would be better without Hope Solo ... and her asshat comments

Recently, a poll stated that approximately 42 percent of Americans "couldn't care less about the Olympics." This stat is sorely disappointing to me, because I sure do love me some Olympics. It's the one magical time every four years when I sit down in front of the television to watch sports for five hours at a time. Seriously, I LOVE watching the Olympics, and of course, Team U.S.A. is where it's at. I'm even willing to overlook the general douchebaggery of LeBron James to root for him when he's representing the good ol' U.S. and A. And, we all know how Jan and I feel about LeBron James. 

Monday, July 30, 2012

Terrific Scenes From Terrible Movies: "The Proposal" in The Village

So I don't know what I like most about this scene. It's either Joaquin Phoenix's facial expression, or the stupid chick's dialogue. All I know is that I laughed my @ss off earlier when I saw this movie on TV today.

Note: Terrific scene(s) starts at 1:35 and ends at about 4:00 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Paul McDonald Hates His Fans ...

Meredith and I were, and still are, HUGE fans of Paul McDonald. That smile, those moves ... How can you resist his charm? Unfortunately for Paul, his success seemed to be short-lived. Honestly, who listens to his music anyway? Well, this brings to my point ... That point being that Paul McDonald hates his fans ...


Let me explain. Once upon a time, Meredith and I worked at a wondrous place where we often shared photos and videos of our beloved Paul McDonald. Then, one day, while viewing his Web site, we came across an excellent "fan shirt" that was being sold. Credit cards in hand, we went about completing the necessary steps to purchase our very own shirts in honor of Paul. Sadly, we found that there were only size larges in stock. Being that neither Meredith or I are morbidly obese, you could imagine our disappointment.

This is the fabulous shirt! Please note that the shirt is an exact replica of the jacket Paul wore on American Idol (but not really).

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Wait, Kristen Stewart actually IS a dirty tramp?

Kristen Stewart is a waste of space. We at "Somebody Thinks You're Fat ..." have always been adamant about that. We've never hesitated to voice our dislike for her, and her "acting", and her face and her attitude. She was a serious contender for a spot on our "12 Hates of Christmas" list, and truth be told, she only missed the cut because there is one of her and an army of Kardashians, so there you go. 

We always knew she sucked as an actress. She's never really had charisma. I don't personally know anybody who thinks she's good-looking ... but I swear, all those times when I called her a dirty tramp, I was just throwing general insults out there. I had no idea it was actually true. 

Anyway, various sources are now reporting that Kristen cheated on longtime boyfriend Robert Pattinson with her married Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. And even though f%cktard tweens the world over immediately jumped to call conspiracy on it, oh hey, guess what?

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Mariah Carey is jumping on a sinking ship ... and I wish I weren't speaking metaphorically.

The similarities are evident ... except one photo was taken after a bottle and a half of Cuervo. 

Fortunately for all who enjoy good music, the time where success on American Idol meant insta-fame is long gone. She show has seen a steady decline in ratings over the years, paired with five consecutive wins for completely forgettable John Mayer clones. Basically, this show was bad to start, but has now become a bona fide disaster. It hit Chernobyl level with the departure of entertaining douche Simon Cowell, but there was still a just a bit of fun to be had with hot mess Steven Tyler and pain-in-the-ass diva Jennifer Lopez. Now, Tyler and Lopez have ditched, so the producers of Idol did the logical thing ... found somebody who is a hot mess AND a pain-in-the-ass diva.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mariah Carey is going to rock this shit.

I Am Not Dead read that correctly! I am in fact not dead... I have simply been in "newborn land" for the last two months.. I miss this blog very much! I look forward to posting consistently again! I appreciate all of the readers who have stuck by us. Meredith and I will be in blogging form soon!!

This is the most repeated question in my household...

Friday, June 22, 2012

LeBron James gets a ring, and I get the finger. Awesome. Just freaking awesome.

Ladies and Gentlemen, as you now know, the Miami Heat did, in fact, triumph in the NBA Finals over the general excellence of Kevin “The Durantula” Durant and the rest of the Oklahoma City Thunder. You most likely heard about it from some stupid-ass loudmouth in your office/high school/jail cell/etc. coming in this morning and screaming, “Boomshakalaka!!! Go Heat! LEBRON!!!” … or words to that effect. And, as you may have guessed, yes, I did have some sort of arrangement riding on this, and yes, I lost … miserably … epically … begrudgingly. Gee, thanks OKC. Thanks a lot. Thanks a whole effing lot. So, as my payment of said bet, without further ado …

Monday, March 12, 2012

Dance Moms: WTF is this?

So after a few weeks of disasters, and a million errands that I had to complete, I am back with a post! Although sh^tty, it is a post. After seeing The Lorax, I had a hard time writing about anything. I had some serious writer's block going on. Why? Because they sure did screw up that film. :( It was terrible. I even contemplated leaving the movie early.. it was that bad..

Even if you hate reality television, I am willing to bet that you have at least seen one rant and ramble from heavy weight Abby Lee Miller. This women is a train wreck, and you know me, I love train wrecks..

Am I the only person who sees this? However, saying that Abby Lee Miller looks like Cartman is a insult to Cartman's good looks... in my opinion.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012


So I have been having "personal emergencies" for the last week or so. I apologize for the lack of posting! I will have some good posts for you all soon! In the meantime, view this:

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Love This! Celebrity Lookalikes!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Cher: Love Her or Hate Her.. I think she rocks!

File:Cher by Ian Smith.jpg

I don't care.. I love the song "Believe," and will always turn that beat up when I'm roll'n for hoes...

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Flowers For Valentine's Day? Let's get crafty...

The day after Valentine's Day I am left rushing into the dentist's office at 7am with a raging abscessed tooth. Yes, I blame the Conversation Hearts that I am addicted to beyond any form of intervention. However, with some antibiotics, and a lot of time on my hands, I have decided to write a post about Decoupage/Crafting.

Hopefully, all of you lovely ladies out there received flowers this year. If you received something better than flowers then poo on you..

Not only was I excited to receive flowers, I was excited to see the BA box that they came in! Look at all the opportunities!.. (I have a thing for repurposing boxes of all shapes and sizes) 

Monday, February 13, 2012

We Want You! To contribute to our blog..

Yes! You read correctly! Somebody Thinks You're Fat, and Everybody Hates You is looking for blog contributors. The great thing about our blog is that it covers a HUGE range of topics. All we ask is that the posts are entertaining and opinionated. We are open to contributors who would like to post weekly, monthly, or even just once. If you have a brand new blog and you are looking for more readers this may be a great way to drive more traffic. Furthermore, You do not have to be a great writer to contribute (it's a blog, not a piece of literature).

Why are we looking for contributors?

Well, we have been open to the idea for awhile. We would love to get more opinions and ideas on the blog. Recently life is derailing both Meredith and I momentarily. Do not fear, I will still post regularly until May when I will have my own "Legal" issues to deal with (9 months in the making, if you get my drift).

Are you interested?
Please send an e-mail to me (Jan) for more information:


Saturday, February 11, 2012

Caduceus: The only wine that results in demonic possession..

Yes, Maynard James Keenan not only brings his talent to Tool, A Perfect Circle,  Pusicfer, acting, and stand-up comedy (WTF?), he also likes to produce wine.. Correct, he is a weird fellow indeed..

Friday, February 10, 2012

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Good Night ... from Meredith

Well, boys and girls, it looks like this is the end of the line for ol' Meredith ... at least for a few months. You know how I'm always complaining about how Mila Kunis borrows my clothes without asking? Well, I went to go retrieve them, but the police didn't exactly see it that way, and they TOTALLY didn't let me explain. I'm not going to go into heavy details, but suffice it to say, terms such as "breaking and entering," "theft," and "total weirdo" were thrown around pretty liberally. I don't get it. But, stack this on top of that pesky restraining order that a certain tall, blond star of True Blood has against me, and it's just a whole mess of not good.

I don't know what he had his panties in a twist about. Jan is the one who locked him in her basement.

At any rate, I'm gonna be going away for a while, but like the Terminator before me, I'll be back ... And, if you miss me, you can always check out this video that I made with my twin brother. I'll miss all of you, my anonymous friends out there in that magical land that we call the Internet. See you in a few!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Sex and the City: Why you shouldn't be ashamed to call yourself a "Samantha"

Remember this Photoshop disaster??

Sex and the City might have ended in 2004, but it still impacts women in their early 20s today. Blame it on the Style Network, or blame it on the movies. Alas, I am not complaining, I often use the show to slide into a coma each night. Why? The show is well written, and the characters are pretty well developed (for the most part). Sex and the City is also a great break from the mind numbing reality trash television that I find myself obsessing over everyday. Which brings me to my first point: If you are a woman between the ages of 20-50, you have surely been asked this common question:

Monday, February 6, 2012

Gisele Bundchen Proves She's No Angel After Her Super Bowl Prayers Go Unanswered

You've heard of Gisele Bundchen, right? Of course you have. She's arguably the most recognizable supermodel in the world. Her perfect body and great hair made her ubiquitous in the fashion industry, most notably as the head "Angel" at Victoria's Secret ... and also enabled her to become filthy, stinking rich. You might also know that she's married to New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, who is also amazingly blessed in the looks department and ridiculously wealthy in his own right.

So, by virtue of their genetic gifts, these two effectively have the world at their fingertips ... but apparently, Gisele felt that she and Tom hadn't accrued enough blessings, so she called on her friends and family for prayers to help her "Tommy" win the Super Bowl.

Oh ... my ... GOD! (Pun intended)

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Academy Award Looks to Love: Jan's Picks

I found picking Academy Award Looks To Love  to be challenging. There are so many different dresses from different times. However, I finally narrowed it down to a few that I really liked over the years ...

Academy Awards Looks to Love - Meredith's Picks

Here at Somebody Thinks You're Fat, and Everybody Hates You, we like to stick it to celebrities because most of them are overpaid and under-intelligent, so eff them. However, we're not without our flights of fancy ... particularly when it comes to fancy dresses. Yes ma'am, we do love us some fancy dresses. So, in honor of red carpet season, and the upcoming Academy Awards, we have awards of our own to give: The Top Ten Looks to Love from each of us. I don't think I need to explain what a tremendous honor this is. So, without further ado, the winners are ...

(Note: These looks are post-millenium, meaning they date back only as far as 2000 and are being picked by me, Meredith, only. Jan has picks, too, so look for those later!)

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Tim Tebow is an Underwear Model ... And Also a Never-Nude?

You may have heard that Tim Tebow has a new underwear ad out, but if you're one of those easily scandalized, pearl-clutching types, don't get your panties in a twist. The family-friendly quarterback appears in the ad shirtless in a field of horses (for the ladies?) ... but wearing jeans. That's right, Jockey has hired a model who displays only five percent of the product that they are posing for. Wow, I would love to have a job where a bare minimum show of effort is not only acceptable, but lauded. And, I do apologize for that horrible pun I just did ... 

Now, I can be objective enough to note that there are many ladies out there who find Tebow attractive, but really, when I saw this ad, this is the picture that came to mind:

Friday, February 3, 2012

People Are Turning Into Idiots In Upstate New York..

The day after TODAY reported on the baffling case of 12 teenage girls at one school who mysteriously fell ill with Tourette's-like symptoms of tics and verbal outbursts, a doctor who is treating some of the girls has come forward to offer an explanation. Dr. Laszlo Mechtler, a neurologist in Amherst, N.Y., says the diagnosis is "conversion disorder," or mass hysteria."It's happened before, all around the world, in different parts of the world. It's a rare phenomena. Physicians are intrigued by it," Mechtler told TODAY. "The bottom line is these teenagers will get better." On the show, psychologist and TODAY contributor Dr. Gail Saltz noted that just because the girls' symptoms are psychological in origin doesn't make them any less real or painful.- Today Health

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Blog of Note: The Jared Leto Hair Club.. for men ..and women

At Somebody Thinks You're Fat, and Everybody Hates You, we are MORE than aware that our readers LOVE Jared Leto. I happened to stumble upon this Tumblr page called The Jared Leto Hair Club. Like many of the other random sites I find online these days, I could not figure out how to contact the creator. All I know is that this site is one of the first pages to pop up when I search the name "Jared Leto." ( I was just seeing where we stand, I swear ...)

Monday, January 30, 2012

"Hoarding: Buried Alive," Makes Me a Better Person..

There are not many shows on television that really turn my stomach these days. However, one show in particular really "irks" me down to my core. It is called Hoarding: Buried Alive. This show is shocking in every way possible. The people featured hoard dirty diapers (their own), collectibles, books, Rubbermaid containers, clothing ... just anything under the sun. In my opinion, the most disturbing hoarding trend featured on this show is the hoarding of animals. I cannot even watch these animal hoarding episodes in fear that I will hunt down the said hoarder and do something highly illegal to their property or person.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

The Grey: Expert Movie Review By Jan

Once again, Liam Nesson proves to us all that he is a Bad @ss Mother F&cker!

I want to start by saying that I loved this movie. It seems like most critics, surprisingly, agree with me. However, viewers are rating this film around 50 percent. Why is it getting rated around 50 percent? I am willing to bet, that if your "best movies of all time list" includes TransformersIndiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull, or any of the Saw movies, you will not like this film. I would even go as far as saying that you will certainly hate this film, especially the ending. The Grey urges contemplation of man as the human animal, one suddenly cast into the wilderness where real beasts live and survive. And I will tell you one thing, this movie proves that man is definitely not always on top of the food chain.

Brandon Routh: Tall, Dark and Totally Unappreciated by Hollywood

A short while ago, I made the argument that in Hollywood, looks often win out over talent, despite the protests of Jessica Biel. (Again, shut the F*CK up, Jessica! You're not "too beautiful" to get roles. You don't get roles because your acting sucks a fat one and you have NO female fans because you won't ever shut your stupid fish-lipped mouth! But, I digress ...) 

What is truly baffling, though, is when an actor has both looks and talent and STILL slips through the cracks. We explored this problem when I lamented the lack of work for the lovely and talented Miss Emmy Rossum. Well, I'm bitching again, but this time, I'm lashing out on behalf of the lovely and talented Mr. Brandon Routh. 

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Rihanna Gets a Stupid, Ugly, 'Thug Life' Tattoo...

Even close up, one cannot distinguish this tattoo from plain nasty "ashy hands syndrome" ... or a certain bodily fluid Rihanna is used to getting on her hands. Please note, I do not like Rihanna ...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall ... Who's the Best Pop Tart of Them All?

Back in 1999, a young chickadee from Louisiana busted into the music scene with a bang. Namely, she filmed a music video where she performed innocent, yet seductive, dance moves while dressed up in a schoolgirl uniform. The song became an instant smash, fueled by the success of the video (and impression that the costume choices made on teen boys and pedophiles alike). 

The song was "... Baby One More Time". The artist was one Ms. Britney Spears. And, after viewing said video, an adult acquaintance of mine said, "I'll bet that's the last we'll ever see of that one." 

Monday, January 23, 2012

The Iron Lady, more like Dementia and Deterioration !Epic Fail Ahead!

Did I mention I hate her face?

Today, I made the mistake of going to my local theater and seeing The Iron Lady. Even though I am not a huge Meryl Streep fan, I do enjoy movies about politics. I loved Lions For Lambs, while a majority of my friends wanted to leave 20 minutes into the film. In this case, I was highly disappointed with The Iron Lady, but surprised by Meryl Streep's performance. Dare I say ... she was not quite as annoying as usual. I was also very impressed with the basically unknown Alexandra Roach, who played a very convincing young Margaret Thatcher.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Big Rich Texas: More Like Big Rich WTF IS THIS?

Big Rich Texas is a reality television show on the Style Network that premiered on July 17, 2011. The show is filmed in the Dallas/Fort Worth area of Texas. The show follows five wealthy Texas women and their daughters during a summer at an exclusive country club and documents all the drama that brews between southern belles.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Vertically Challenged Hollywood Hotties!

Celebrities often appear much taller on the big screen than they are in real life. I would like to take this time today to point out a few surprisingly, and sometimes disappointingly, short Hollywood stars.

Robert Downey Jr. : 5'7"

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Mark Wahlberg Is a Total Badass ... or Is That Total Jackass?

It pains me to say bad things about Mark Wahlberg because, 1) He is hot. 2) I enjoy his acting, most notably in The Departed. And 3) He is hot. However, I think most everyone who has an Internet connection will agree with me when I say that I was absolutely floored when I read what he had to say about 9/11 to Men's Journal ... and not floored in the way that I am when he removes his shirt. We're talking about the bad kind of surprise here. 

Basically, Mark said that, unlike everyone else who was aboard the doomed planes, he is a man of action ... and you know it, bitch! If he were there, he would have kicked some major terrorist ass, Air Force One-style. Then, he would have ripped off his blood-stained shirt, blown a kiss to the pretty ladies on board, thrown back a bourbon and said, "It's quite alright, everyone. I'm gonna land this motherf$cker, now, because I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy." 

Okay, maybe I exaggerated just a bit, but here's what he actually said:

Monday, January 16, 2012

I Heard the Owl Call My Name ... from Nicole Kidman's Dress

We've now hit that special time of the year when Hollywood gathers together in a (seemingly) never-ending series of self-worship orgies, otherwise known as awards shows. Honestly, I really don't give a rat's ass about the majority of the awards. The thing I love about the obnoxiously large volume of awards ceremonies is the corresponding volume of couture gowns on display ... and the avalanche of catty comments that go with the display of said couture gowns.

Oh, believe me, it's not all bad. At last night's Golden Globes, Reese Witherspoon was a knockout in her sexy "Jessica Rabbit" number. Charlize Theron once again proved that she looks great in just about anything, and Angelina Jolie left her funeral gear at home and wore something that was actually pretty fabulous. See them all, plus more, here

But, that's enough of the nice stuff. Can we talk about Nicole Kidman and her fancy totem pole of a gown, please? 

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Emmy Rossum = Freakin' Awesome!

It's really not a secret that in Hollywood, looks often win out over talent ... despite Jessica Biel's claims that she's "too beautiful" to get good roles (Let's all say it together, "Oh, shut the eff up already!"). This is particularly true with actresses in their 20s. How else would one explain why Jessica Alba, Megan Fox and Scarlett Johansson, among a SLEW of others, are able to stay consistently employed? It's certainly not because they're creating magic on-screen with their grasp of the arts, I can tell you that. 

So, with that in mind, we have to wonder why all these no-talent Barbie dolls are consistently snagging roles when we have beautiful women who actually possess talent out there. Yes, we have Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis and Rachel Squared (Weisz and McAdams), but they can't cover all the roles. So, how about another? Ladies and gentlemen, for your consideration ... Miss Emmy Rossum. 

Friday, January 13, 2012

Jared Leto's Transformation, or the Long Road Which Leads to the Mullet

This is one of Jared Leto's modeling photos from his high school days. What a demure lady he was.

Since the reaction to our last post about Jared Leto received such excellent feedback, I thought I would continue to entertain Meredith's idea by doing a post based on Jared Leto's physical transformation throughout the years. However, keeping with the fashion of my "bipolar" writing technique, I could not help but recognize someone else's face in the slew of Jared Leto's earlier photos. That person is Amanda Peet.

Hostess Seeks Bankruptcy Protection!

The devastation! How can America lose their Hostess Cup Cakes and Twinkies? Maybe the Mayans are right in their assumption that the world is ending very soon.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Woody Harrelson is a weirdo, but that's ok..

"No, no. He's a teetotaler. He's been in AA for a while, I don't have that kind of courage, nor am I a quitter."- Woody Harrelson outing New York Times reporter David Carr on "Jimmy Kimmel Live."

Our Official Endorsement: Phil Davison for President

Rock you like a hurricane ...

Since you're on the Internet right now, I think it's a safe bet to assume that you are not currently living under a rock. And, since you're not currently living under a rock, that means that you're probably aware of the fact that the Republican party is currently in full primary swing right now. You may or may not care, but you probably at least know about it. 

But, what you might not know is that the best man for the job, the bellowing beast of politics, the person who would rock this election like a big, screaming hurricane, isn't actually on the ticket. I don't care if you vote Republican, Democrat, Independent, Green, Whig or nothing at all ... we can all unite on one key point ...

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Blog Of Note: Skinny

Come one, come all and celebrate your lack of eating!

This is a photo I am sure would endorse!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Proof the Mayan Calendar is Wrong: The World is NOT ending on December 23, 2012

Marty McFly [Back to the Future II] Hoverboard

The world is not ending in 2012 because
Marty McFly visited the year 2015 in "Back to The Future II."

This is a common school of thought amongst children of the '80s. As a child of the '80s, I NEVER question Marty McFly. In fact, over 2,291 people agree, according to this Facebook group. Similar to the Mayan Calendar, Back to The Future has been correct in many of its predictions.

Christian Bale vs. Kristen Bell: A career comparison

Back in October 2009, a funny thing happened. Kristen Bell was on the cover of Lucky Magazine. A copy of said magazine sat in the lobby of the clinic where Jan and I used to work. And, one day, a mutual friend of ours (who also was a clinic employee at the time) picked up the magazine, took a look at the cover and said, "God, I think Kristen Bell is SO overrated!"

To which one of our male co-workers replied, "You think so? Really? ... Huh. (Shaking head) I loved him in those Batman movies."

So, in honor of that interaction (which still makes me roar every time I recall it), let's see just exactly how Kristen and Christian stack up when they're going toe-to-toe, head-to-head, Kris. B vs. Chris. B. In the immortal words of Mills Lane, "Let's get it on!"

Monday, January 9, 2012

Your Mom Went to College ... I wonder if she had a job afterwards ...

This is the college I graduated from. Scary, huh? Yes, I lived in a building that is considered to be one of the most haunted places in the United States. In a nutshell, I didn't see or hear sh*t. Personally, I think it's a load of crock, but that's how I feel about all ghost stories ...

Thursday, January 5, 2012

My New Dream Job: Headline Writer for US Weekly

Okay, extremely inappropriate name-calling aside, was it a secret that Russell Brand is kinda nuts?
I thought Katy - and the general population of the world - knew this already. 

Behold! The Majestic Hoff!

TO be confused with the (Hassel)Hoff...

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The Ladies of Justin Timberlake: A History of Questionable Dating Choices

When I walk on by, girls be lookin' like, "Damn, he fly." 

At this point, Justin Timberlake is certifiably B.A. This much we know. The guy has parlayed his breezy charm and multiple talents into a career that's been going strong for about two decades now. He's won six Grammys and four Emmys, sold more than 66 million albums worldwide (with an assist from his old N*Sync comrades), and has a total 10-year box office haul of $812 million from his film appearances. Just for reference, "serious actress" Kate Bosworth has a 10-year total of $483 million.

Justin also helms his own record label, runs a successful clothing line, and owns two restaurants. He's shown a knack for bouncing back from potentially career-ending scandals (remember that little Super Bowl incident with Janet Jackson?). Recently, music legend Elton John personally suggested that JT be the one to play him in an upcoming biopic. Oh yeah, Justin also made this happen ... 

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Is Weight Watchers Curing Cancer Now?

A "healthy" alternative choice to the classic Twinkie.
That is, if you are ignorant enough to consider these ingredients to be "healthy." 

Monday, January 2, 2012