Friday, November 18, 2011

Robert Pattinson: Oral Cesarean? !Spoiler Alert!

With the opening of Breaking Dawn, I figured I would do a post dedicated to the Twilight Saga.






Two years ago, I read all the books in the Twilight series. Yep, every damn one of them. You might be interested to know that the brain power required to read these books is equal or less then the brain power required to watch a Tyler Perry movie. It's science.



What I am saying, is that they are very easy reading. This might come as a surprise, but I enjoyed the series. Stephanie Meyer (dare I say) writes well. Her novels are surprisingly engaging. Unfortunantly, because of the movies, I am ashamed to admit that I really liked the books. Honestly, the movies ruined the books for me. Why? You might ask. Because the movies are obviously absolutely horrible. I will never be able to read the Twilight series without thinking of Kristen Stewart's horrible acting and lazy eye! The movies will be playing on Comedy Central 10 years from now. People are going to wonder why on earth anyone found these movies to be entertaining (Well, they will be funny).

I am a firm believer in one truth:
They should have went rated R with the whole series. Yes, yes, I know this would exclude teenagers from viewing the movies. But get real, if a kid wants to see an R-rated movie, they are going to find a way to see it. Come on Stephanie, if you are going to write a scene where Edward EATS his half-undead/half-human child out of Bella, we expect some serious visual action. Now,I would pay to see that in 3D!

Stephanie Meyer is a SELL OUT!!

To let her novels turn into the atrocity at hand is down right horrid. Kristen Stewart! Kristen Stewart! Do I need to say more?





Kristen F&cking Stewart! Can you believe they let this chick star opposite Ryan Reynolds?



Robert Pattinson is talented. I believe that is a fact that most of us can agree on. However, the biggest reason I think Stephanie is a sell out is because Breaking Dawn was split into two movies. Anyone who has read the books can tell you that the first half of Breaking Dawn is the only half worth reading. Obviously, after Bella's Vampire cesarean, she is turned into a vampire. After that, a bunch of other vampires want to kill their baby. There is never a huge fight or climax, and everyone lives happily ever after. Now, how the f%ck can you make that into two movies? You can't! But Stephanie Meyer knows, "If you build it, they will come."

14 comments:

Meredith said...

Drove by the theater tonight. There was a line wrapped around the building for "Breaking Dawn" tickets. Sheesh.

Meredith said...

And, I must respectfully disagree. I do not think Stephanie Meyer writes well. Her prose is far too repetitive, in my opinion. However, I am willing to agree that she is good at story crafting.
But, I think it's okay that we have different opinions on the matter. Spices things up a bit. :)

Anonymous said...

So do you guys like twilight or not?!? I can't really tell..

Jan said...

I didn't think you read the twilight series? That's new to me!
I enjoyed the books hate the movies!

Jan said...

Oh, and as far as her prose, it's true, she writes in everyday speech, and she's not a literary genius by any means, lol. But, the idea is to use as little brain power as possible..lol

Meredith said...

I think the thing we can all agree on is that Kristen Stewart is just awful. Masterful photo choice, Jan. It's perfect. :)

Anonymous said...

Have absolutely no desire to see this movie. Unlike most females, I do not like Robert Pattinson and his smelliness!! These movies are awful!!!

Jan said...

Agreed, they are just horrible..

Anonymous said...

kristen stewart sux!

Anonymous said...

My take on the whole Twilight phenomena is the following: the writing is terrible (but I will say that anything that gets people to read I can get behind somewhat), Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are horrible and WAY too full of themselves, and the movies have bad special effects!

P.S. Taylor Lautner seems to be a good guy and might actually have a future in the acting field.

Jan said...

I will have to respectfully, disagree with the Taylor comment. Did you see him in abduction? He lacks the ability to show simple facial expressions. He cannot convey any emotion. He is just terrible. Also, I think he might have a little T. O. D. going on. I would be willing to put money on him having a very short and disappointing career. He will be washing cars in a year or two.

Anonymous said...

I think Taylor is sweet. I think Rob and Kristen are the ones with mental problems. He deserves more credit than those 2 losers!!!

Anonymous said...

TEAM EDWARD!!!

Meredith said...

Team Anyone-But-Bella!