Nancy Grace is ... um ... hot and sexy. Wait ... what?

Hi. My name is Meredith, and I watch Dancing With the Stars. (Crowd answers with: "Hi, Meredith.") It started about four years ago, when I found myself in a situation where I had no cable television, and ABC was the only channel that would come through on my pre-digital programming antenna.

Before I could say, "Hot to cha-cha-cha," I was hooked, tuning in weekly to root for my favorite couple and snagging the cell phones of everyone I knew to log in votes. After my beloved Gilles Marini lost to annoying Olympian Shawn Johnson, I was able to quit ... but only for a bit. Before I knew it, I was again freebasing Dancing With the Stars, but now with a fervor previously unmatched.

Suffice it to say, I'm still hooked, and I don't know how to get clean. Right now, I'm all about J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff (Go Team Martinoff!), and I was also backing the freaking fan-tablous Carson Kressley until he got eliminated.

You can't stop a shoe whore!

I'm not going to say that this season hasn't made me want to get out of the game, though. It's shown me that I just might have a problem. A male dancer verbally abuses and physically manhandles his female celebrity partner, and I still don't stop. The insufferable Ricki Lake tries to one-up a war hero with a sob story, and I'm still watching. There's a Kardashian in the mix, for f$ck sake, and I'm STILL glued to the tube.

So, I guess I should thank Nancy Grace for showing me something so unthinkable, I might actually be forced to re-evaluate my habits: Her attempt at smoldering sex kitten (which led to her inevitable ouster).

Nancy reminds me of your mom out there ... except I'd rather bang your mom.

Yeah ... not buying it ... if she HAD to do this, she should have done it before dancing to snippets of awesomeness from Queen and Spamelot. I tell you, there is nothing more awesome than Monty Python and the Holy Grail, even if Nancy Grace is involved. She played the clacking coconut card too soon, I'm afraid.

What am I saying?!?!?! Oh God, I need help! Won't you be my sponsor?

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