Thursday, November 3, 2011

Justin Bieber is MY Baby's Daddy..

Mariah Yeater (20), claims she was impregnated by the Biebs himself (17), following a concert that took place a year ago when she was in fact, 19. Supposedly, it was a bathroom (statutory rape). Giddy up! Nothing like a good, filthy shitter to ignite some teenage passion. Here she is:

Photo of Mariah in the shitter

Man, that is an attractive yeti! Seriously, the people of the world who are into "furries" just found a new goddess.

So, this chick claims she was pulled aside by security guards. If they are pulling her aside for Justin, I want to see the girls who are turned back. Is this girl mentally retarded? Well, everyone knows who she is now, maybe she is looking for a job ... Hmm this gives me ideas ... ideas ... Alexander Skarsgard, where you at?

Yeater claims Justin "began touching me and repeatedly said he wanted to f**k the sh*t out of me. At the time I asked him to put a condom on for protection, but he insisted that he did not want to. (Editor's note: !how 80's of him! ...) Justin Bieber then quickly took off my clothes, and we had sex. He was on top of me and with my legs around him."

Now. Go stab an ice pick into your left ear to erase that mental image ... actually, you'd better go ahead and do the right ear, too.

You know what would be absolutely amazing? If Justin really was her "baby's daddy." that would keep me laughing for at least a day or two.

On a side note, when I typed in the words "Justin Bieber," in the search engine, the first option I got was "Justin Bieber is Gay."

Then, I read one comment that offered this gem of a theory:

"Justin Bieber likes it in the Butt. The only way Mariah could be the mother of his child, is if she were really a man, and it was the year 2098. Because in 2098 they will have a uterus transplant system for gay men to procreate with each other. "It's science.""
- me thinking out loud.

Justin practicing his "salad tossing" technique

Source: aol news, CNN, every other shitty blog on the Internet.

1 comment:

Meredith said...

If I had sex with a guy who was as girly as the Beibs, I wouldn't tell anyone ... much less the entire world. All joking aside, I think this chick's a liar, though.