Sunday, November 6, 2011

NEWS FLASH: Alexander Skarsgard is Mentally Retarded



At Somebody Thinks You're Fat, and Everybody Hates You, we firmly believe in one truth. If we ruled the world, Alexander Skarsgard would be cloned. His clones would then be assigned to each and every female on this green earth. Ladies, you would be able to come home and find your very own Skarsgard chained up in your basement, just waiting for your arrival.





Alexander will appear much like this photo of Ryan Reynolds that I took in my basement this morning.

But, as we all know, these thoughts are naughty ... very naughty. In fact, we believe that in order for the female population to refrain from planning such Skarsgardian world domination, we must all subscribe to a theory born at this site, a theory that states Alexander Skarsgard is, in fact, mentally retarded.

Believe, dear women. Believe! He rides the short bus. This is why he cannot keep his shirt on ... EV-ER. It's not for our viewing pleasure, it's because it hinders him in his use of crayons and coloring books.

This is why he's always gracious in his dealings with fans. It's not because he's surprisingly humble and likable, it's because he doesn't have the capacity to know just how hot he is. If all the neurons were firing correctly, he'd look in the mirror, see the hotness, and develop the demeanor of a cocky ass, a demeanor that he surely has the looks to embody.

And, most importantly, this explains why he would date the absolutely terrifying and astoundingly horrific Kate Bosworth! Seriously, how else would you explain why this tall drink of sexy would hang out with an anorexic scarecrow?


No man with an acceptable mental capacity would willingly do this.

Are your thoughts of handsome, Swedish military-trained clones subsiding yet, ladies?

Well, if not, we have one final argument to bring you back from the dark side. If you had any doubts about our theory, watch this:


We rest our case.


Trust us, you need to start thinking that Skarsgard is a Skarstard. It's really for your own good.



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3 comments:

Meredith said...

We are totally gonna blow the lid off this thing!

Jan said...

I <3 Alexander, even if he is retarded... That's the sad thing lol

Meredith said...

Yeah ... me too. I live in shame.