Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Blog Of Note: Cats in Sinks

For all cat lovers and cat haters alike, I present to you Cats in Sinks.

A Cat In A Sink - Click to Refresh

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Taylor Lautner is "Out and Proud" ... or not ...

So, by now, I'm sure you've heard that this isn't real, right? Some Internet jokester just got lucky and pushed the envelope all the way to viral.
We should be so fortunate ... 

Silly rabbits. Everyone should have known this was a fake. The five-year-old sidebar was a sure giveaway (If you'll notice, it contains a picture of Brad Pitt looking hot. We all know that hasn't happened for at LEAST two years now) ... but this cover has an even more revealing error. Every man, woman, and child in America knows that if a celebrity comes out to People magazine, the headline is never something like the "Out and Proud" one pictured above. It's always, ALWAYS: 

Monday, December 26, 2011

The Writers of "Dexter" Clearly Hate Jennifer Carpenter and Want Her to Kill Herself

"Wait? You want me to say WHAT?!? You have to be (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted) kidding me! You (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted)!" 
- Jennifer*, speaking about the dialogue of the season six finale of "Dexter"

Dexter has long been a favorite of ours here at Somebody Thinks You're Fat ... We're huge fans of the show. We're huge fans of Michael C. Hall's torso in that "Kill Shirt" that cheeky serial killer Dexter Morgan wears so well. And, even though she's totally fat and disgusting, we're huge fans of Jennifer Carpenter and her f&cking phenomenal foul-mouthed portrayal of Debra Morgan, Dexter's sister. 

Since we love us some J. Carp, I must say that I found the writing of season six to be monumentally disturbing, and not in the way that we Dexter fans would like. I don't know what she did to whom, but seemingly, our girl pissed off someone on the writing staff in a major way ... and now, that person is using the power of the pen to manipulate her character in a way that is surely effing with Jennifer's personal life.

(Note: If you have not yet viewed season six in its entirety, SPOLIERS ahead, so read no further.) 

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas! From Somebody Thinks You're Fat, and Everybody Hates You.

Press the Submit Button to rate this post!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

The 12 Hates of Christmas: No. 2, Kate Bosworth

There's a fairly obvious comment to be made here, but I won't do it. I'm a lady, after all.

Here at Somebody Thinks You're Fat ... Kate Bosworth has long been considered Public Enemy No. 1. Kate Effing Bosworth ... Just the name is enough to spark a firestorm of fury. Steady readers may remember viewing snippets about her in previous posts, most likely with the words "anorexic scarecrow" attached to her name in some form. You might think we've been a bit hard on ol' Kate. You might be thinking, "Why, oh why, do they passionately hate her? She seems like a sweetheart." Well ...

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The 12 Hates of Christmas: No. 3, Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift has been a county/pop singer for the last five years or so. Her album posters have adorned the bedrooms of many teens and adults alike. She has even, sadly and unsuccessfully, tried her hand at acting. Taylor Swift is a millionaire! She pretends like she is a 16-year-old so that people think "she is a prodigy and so mature for her age." Hello, people! Taylor Swift it 22 years old!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The 12 Hates of Christmas: No. 4, Old Navy Commercials

Old Navy has long set the bar for bad marketing techniques. Even back in the late 90s, the "cool kitsch" they were going for fell flat ... and straight into asshat territory. Admittedly, my my tolerance for idiocy is not quite where it used to be (In the late 90s, I also wore butterfly clips and plastic jackets, listened to some monumentally bad music and watched TRL every ... single ... day). However, it seems to me that the commercials just keep getting worse and worse. So ...

Monday, December 19, 2011

The 12 Hates of Christmas: No. 5, Tim Tebow

Most people who know me know that I do not follow sports. However, one cannot avoid the non-stop publicity following Tim Tebow. I consider this man to be the most annoying and self-righteous person on Earth.

Do you really have to ask why you are single?

Sunday, December 18, 2011

The 12 Hates of Christmas: No. 6, LeBron James

Lebron thinks he's too sexy for this shirt ... that's why he traded it for one that says "Miami Heat" ... what a douche.

Even if you don't follow professional basketball, you've probably heard about LeBron James. You might have heard someone talking about how talented he is, but in recent years, you've more likely heard of him in the context of someone you know going on an unprovoked, profanity-laced rant about how much they absolutely despise him. Guess what? That person you know isn't crazy. They are 100 percent justified in any hateful rant that is spouted about this douchebag. This guy is an arrogant, self-serving tard who just keeps screwing people over. To quote awesome Web site Deadspin, "Not only is it okay to hate LeBron, but it is a f%cking character flaw on your part if you do not." So ...

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Friday, December 16, 2011

Share The Christmas Cheer!

That beard is FANTASTIC!!! 

The 12 Hates of Christmas: No. 8, John Mayer

 The definitive John Mayer picture: Wasted, covered in lipstick, showing off his asinine tattoo

In the English language, the name of John Mayer has become a phrase that is basically synonymous with the word "douche." The journey to this person's place in history as the general poster boy for doucheitude is a long and storied one full of interview gaffes, terrible music, and an endless parade of heartbroken women who have been dumb enough to date this tool.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Jennifer Aniston is the "Hottest Woman of All Time," I Respectfully Disagree..

It is pretty obvious to everyone that Jennifer Aniston is a stunning beauty. I'm not going to deny that. However, Men's Health Magazine labeling her "The Hottest Woman of All Time," is a gross over-statement.  I have decided that everyone who works at Men's Health Magazine is gay. Unless I am proven wrong, I will stand by my assumption. Why do I think they are all gay?

The 12 Hates of Christmas: No. 9, Jennifer Lopez


Jennifer Lopez has her "try face" on while completing a triathlon.

Jennifer Lopez began her career as a dancer on the television show In Living Color. She then moved to film and got her first leading role in Selena. And as far as we are concerned, she should had stopped while she was ahead. Instead of gracefully leaving the spotlight she continued to prove herself to be the proverbial "jack of all trades-master at none." In the entertainment business, this is NOT a compliment.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Photo of Note: My Cat is Possessed by Demons..

The similarities between my cat, and Jennifer Carpenter, in The Exorcism of Emily Rose is uncanny..

The 12 Hates of Christmas: No. 10, Joe Jonas

The definitive Joe Jonas picture: Failed attempt at "hipster", failed attempt at facial hair ... 

Ladies and gentleman, today I am here to declare that Joe Jonas (you know, that middle Jonas brother who has the unfortunate affinity for wearing tight white pants) is an annoying little douchebag. Of course, if you've listened to anything that Taylor Swift has said in the past three years, you already know this, but how 'bout a closer look?

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The 12 Hates of Christmas: No. 11, Katherine Heigl

Katherine Heigl looking hardcore..

Katherine Heigl is an American actress best known for her role in the horrific show Grey's Anatomy. She has also starred in films such as Knocked Up, Zyzzyx Road, 27 Dresses, The Ugly Truth, Killers, and Life As We Know It. All of said films were pretty bad. The one exception being Knocked Up. This is what Katherine Heigl had to say about her one decent film.:

Monday, December 12, 2011

The 12 Hates of Christmas: No. 12, The Kardashian/Jenner Family

Here at Somebody Thinks You're Fat ..., we're all about some good, old-fashioned Christmas cheer. But, the problem is stupid people just keep getting in the way. So, to satisfy our dual interests of bringing glad tidings and talking mad sh!t, we're bringing you "The 12 Hates of Christmas," a countdown naming those who are furthest from our hearts ... for the entertainment of those nearest to them (That would be you, dear readers!). So, don't say we never gave you anything. (In fact, stick with us, and you'll get a VERY nice surprise on Christmas day!) But, for now ...

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Are You Serious? The Travel Channel's "Ghost Adventures"

Saturday night television has really hit an all time low. I know I'm suppossed to be out, like a normal person, on a lovely Saturday night such as tonight. But lately, I've come to the conclusion that maybe im just too demanding. Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold. Maybe you're just like my mother, she's never satisfied.

Moving on to the topic at hand, I have been watching a horrible "ghost hunting" show on the Travel Channel. The name of said show is Ghost Adventures. As if the name isn't bad enough, the characters on the show are truly terrible at their jobs. I question if any of them have even graduated High School. They swear and scream and sometimes, I don't even think they know what they are talking about.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

WOW! Evil Dead Remake: April 12, 2013!

Anybody who knows me knows that Evil Dead, is one of my favorite movies. Because of this, I spent many drunken nights in college playing the Bruce Campbell Game with my friends. What is the Bruce Campbell Game? The game is easy: Every time Bruce Campbell gets hurt on screen, you drink. Playing this while watching Army of Darkness, ensures that you will be drunk in 15-20 minutes. I highly suggest using beer instead of liquor for your own safety (Do not try this at home).

The Evil Dead

NEWS FLASH: Blake Lively IS Florence Welch!

"Quick! Somebody bring me my Florence Welch costume!"

I would imagine for a woman like Blake Lively, the world is simply not enough. As I previously mentioned, Leonardo DiCaprio just won't do. She has to have Ryan Reynolds, too. One pair of Louboutins will not suffice. She'll settle for no fewer than 40. (That's right. 40.) Forget having a closet full of Chanel ... she has to be the face of the entire effing brand or she just can't sleep at night!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Jonah Hill is Hot?

Jonah Deserves a "slow clap" for his achievements ... Start ... NOW!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Alec Baldwin is Kicked Off Plane: He Just Loves "Words With Friends."

"I will just catch the next flight ..."

For the Classic Movie Buffs: Vera-Ellen is rather pudgy.

Every year around the holidays, I really go heavy on the Christmas entertainment. I own all the major movies/TV specials, and I pretty much play them relentlessly until midnight on Dec. 25. One film is particularly near and dear to my heart, and the season just isn't the same unless I watch it at least seven to 15 times. That movie, is the sugary sweetness that is White Christmas, starring Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, and Rosemary Clooney (George's Auntie). If you haven't seen it, you must. It's guaranteed to melt the coldest of hearts.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Miss USA Rima Fakih Arrested For DRUNK DRIVING!

"I'm just going to turn up the heat and play some elevator music while I drive home."

According to Michigan police, Rima was, and I quote, "HAMMERED" when she was pulled over after a long night of heavy boozing that surely included some STD exchanges.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

A Brief(less) History of the Celebrity Sex Tape Scandal (Possibly NSFW)

As a preface, I'd like to point out that this post is probably not okay for you to read at work. There are no explicit details or images, but your boss probably won't appreciate you exploring your interest in this subject while you're on the clock. So, as a label: NSFW, people! Without further ado ...

Friday, December 2, 2011

Supernatural's Castiel: One Sexy Servant of God!

"Today you're *my* little bitch."- Castiel speaking to the Archangel, Raphael.

Guilty as charged! I watched season six of Supernatural, for the second time. Unfortunately, I have not had the pleasure of viewing season seven. This is very sad (I am a huge dork!). I do know one thing: Castiel is one sexy angel! Don't know who Cas is? Let's summarize the character for you.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Bad Songs, Worse Songs, and the Pussycat Dolls

Last night, I was feeling kinda saucy ... so I decided to bust out "Just Dance 2" on the Nintendo Wii and shake what my momma gave me. I opted for the Non-Stop Shuffle option, where the game chooses the songs for you, but I was sorely disappointed in their first choice for me: