Saturday, November 5, 2011

Blake Lively thinks geriatric hookers are cool

I am not a fan of Blake Lively.

Yes, I am aware that my distain for Blake probably is greatly fueled by jealousy. I'd say it contributes to about 60 percent of my ire, and why wouldn't it? Fact: She's tall with a perfect body and great hair. Fact: She has endless access to beautiful designer clothes and hot shoes. Word is she once bought 40 pairs of Louboutins at once. That's right. Four. Zero. Fact: She's gorgeous enough that she can jump from Leonardo DiCaprio to Ryan Reynolds on a whim, while the rest of the female population thumbs through People's "Sexiest Man Alive" issue and/or reminisces about the first time we saw Titanic in Jr. High. (I don't know about Blake, but I'll sure never let go, Jack.)

But, let's forget the green-eyed monster for a moment. The other 40 percent of my hatred comes from the fact that she knows all the facts, and she knows 'em HARD.

That's why it makes me smile to see her step out in a coat that's half sexy red leather/half grandma's muumuu. Julia Roberts could sport this as Vivian Ward in Pretty Woman, if the movie were to be made in 15 years (when Julia will be almost 60 years old). She gives the outfit some extra slut spice with what appear to be snake-print stilettos ... the thing I, admittedly, always add when I think my outfits could use some slut spice.

And that's not her only leather-based fashion misstep, complete with a side of animal-print heels. Behold, Exhibit B:

Blake thinks leather is less trampy when it's cut "Duchess Kate"-style.

I guess it's just comforting to know that if I get too frustrated with Blake's perfection, I can always wait for another sartorial misadventure in leather. Or, I can look at a picture of Blake that was taken before the ol' nose job. Yeah, Blake. We all noticed. We noticed HARD.

Did you see the girl on that nose?

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Jan said...

Her leather dresses makes me want to buy some Fruit Roll Ups.

Meredith said...

Ha! Her dresses make me want to pay a senior citizen for sex.