Somebody realized my "Fight Club" fantasy brawl

Remember the scene in Fight Club when Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are discussing which celebrity they'd fight if given the chance? Pitt's character, the immortal Tyler Durden, picks Hemingway, and Norton's character responds with what is arguably the greatest line in a film chock full o' great lines:

"Shatner. I'd fight William Shatner." - The Narrator (Edward Norton)

Of course, the question has come up several times throughout the years ... mostly in college ... but it has had some staying power in my post-collegiate world. However, ever since 2002, my answer has always been Avril Lavigne ... delivered in a firm voice with zero hesitation.

I've always thought she was the very definition of the word poseur, and I've also always thought that I could take her. We're just about the same size, and unlike her, I've actually won a fight or two in my life. The fact that she's probably a vampire of the Twilight variety does hurt my chances, though. Have you gotten a look at those teeth?

Real punks don't wear pink cheerleading outfits. See "Smells Like Teen Spirit" for an example of hardcore cheerleading gear done right.

However, news broke that she was reportedly attacked outside the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood. The little fangster herself confirmed it by (how else?) tweeting:

I don't fight. I don't believe in it. To clear things up I got attacked by 5 people last night out of nowhere. Not cool. My face is f$cked.

I don't know whether to be pissed at these "five people" for beating me to the punch (pun intended) or happy that somebody took some initiative to get the job done. I'm so conflicted. But, to Avril I say, fear not. She'll always have a special place in my heart as my eternal A to the Fight Club Q.

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