Last night, I was feeling kinda saucy ... so I decided to bust out "Just Dance 2" on the Nintendo Wii and shake what my momma gave me. I opted for the Non-Stop Shuffle option, where the game chooses the songs for you, but I was sorely disappointed in their first choice for me:
"When I Grow Up," by the Pussycat Dolls.
I HATE this song, and I HATE the Pussycat Dolls. Why? Well, kitten, I thought you'd never ask.
Nicole Scherzinger loves wearing prostitute costumes.
You see, I think it's safe to say that at at any given point in time since ... oh ... about 1987, approximately 92 percent of popular music can be certified as crap. But, in 2004, something truly despiciable happened: The Pussycat Dolls, a dance and burlesque ensemble, were revamped as a music group and started putting out singles (No pun intended on the "putting out" thing).
Ever since the auditory rape that was "Don't 'cha?" was released, those trampy, trampy whores released a barrage of songs that got exponetially worse. Each new single one-upped the previous one in vapid lyrics and annoying delivery, so one should never have expected anything different.
However, with "When I Grow Up," those b!tches really outdid themselves. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, about this song that comes close to qualifying as "not horrible." The lyrics even include the phrase: "I wanna have groupies," sung in a way so it sounds very suspiciously like, "I wanna have boobies." Como WHAT? It was the worst song I had heard since J.C. Chasez hit us with "Some Girls Dance With Women." Period. Seriously, I was truly upset by this.
Thankfully, the pack of walking Herpes was eventually stopped, and I think it was all due to the career backslide of Nicole Scherzinger. Does anyone remember "The Lost Boys?" (Great flick, by the way.) According to the movie's comic book lore, if someone can kill the head vampire, all half-vampires will return to normal. I think it worked the same way with the Pussycat Sluts. Nicole was the head slut, obviously. So, all that was necessary for the demise of the demons was to eliminate her, and the rest of the no-talent dipshits faded into oblivion ... or they starved to death since they were no longer be able to suckle at the hellfire teat of Nicole Scherzinger. Either way, we all won.
That is, we all won until "Just Dance 2" ruined a damn-near perfect dance music lineup by including it in their game. I have never danced this particular routine on my game. Nor do I ever intend to. The song is so grating, that I can't even think of a word that adequately captures my disgust. Instead, picture Hilary Duff making a barfing face, and that should do it.
So ... this is awkward, because this is the part where I'm supposed to post a clip of the song/video so you can judge for yourself. However, since you're reading this blog, I love you too much to subject you to that, so here's Jamiroquai's "Canned Heat" instead. You're welcome.