Thursday, December 1, 2011

Bad Songs, Worse Songs, and the Pussycat Dolls

Last night, I was feeling kinda saucy ... so I decided to bust out "Just Dance 2" on the Nintendo Wii and shake what my momma gave me. I opted for the Non-Stop Shuffle option, where the game chooses the songs for you, but I was sorely disappointed in their first choice for me:

"When I Grow Up," by the Pussycat Dolls.


I HATE this song, and I HATE the Pussycat Dolls. Why? Well, kitten, I thought you'd never ask.

Nicole Scherzinger loves wearing prostitute costumes.

You see, I think it's safe to say that at at any given point in time since ... oh ... about 1987, approximately 92 percent of popular music can be certified as crap. But, in 2004, something truly despiciable happened: The Pussycat Dolls, a dance and burlesque ensemble, were revamped as a music group and started putting out singles (No pun intended on the "putting out" thing).

Ever since the auditory rape that was "Don't 'cha?" was released, those trampy, trampy whores released a barrage of songs that got exponetially worse. Each new single one-upped the previous one in vapid lyrics and annoying delivery, so one should never have expected anything different.

However, with "When I Grow Up," those b!tches really outdid themselves. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, about this song that comes close to qualifying as "not horrible." The lyrics even include the phrase: "I wanna have groupies," sung in a way so it sounds very suspiciously like, "I wanna have boobies." Como WHAT? It was the worst song I had heard since J.C. Chasez hit us with "Some Girls Dance With Women." Period. Seriously, I was truly upset by this.

J.C. Chasez: His post-N'Sync solo career was even more terrible than his taste in shirts.

Thankfully, the pack of walking Herpes was eventually stopped, and I think it was all due to the career backslide of Nicole Scherzinger. Does anyone remember "The Lost Boys?" (Great flick, by the way.) According to the movie's comic book lore, if someone can kill the head vampire, all half-vampires will return to normal. I think it worked the same way with the Pussycat Sluts. Nicole was the head slut, obviously. So, all that was necessary for the demise of the demons was to eliminate her, and the rest of the no-talent dipshits faded into oblivion ... or they starved to death since they were no longer be able to suckle at the hellfire teat of Nicole Scherzinger. Either way, we all won.

That is, we all won until "Just Dance 2" ruined a damn-near perfect dance music lineup by including it in their game. I have never danced this particular routine on my game. Nor do I ever intend to. The song is so grating, that I can't even think of a word that adequately captures my disgust. Instead, picture Hilary Duff making a barfing face, and that should do it.

So ... this is awkward, because this is the part where I'm supposed to post a clip of the song/video so you can judge for yourself. However, since you're reading this blog, I love you too much to subject you to that, so here's Jamiroquai's "Canned Heat" instead. You're welcome.


Jan said...

The Pussy Cat Dolls were strippers who could somewhat sing.. Speaking of Embarassing, shitty music.. I was always really embarrassed that our highschool generation was all about the Backstreet Boy, Nsync, and Britney Spears. I always wished I could have been in highschool when Grunge was still popular...

Meredith said...

Yes, but on the flip side, at least the music that was popular when we were in high school generally didn't have themes of deviant sex and rampant promiscuity. Ours was a more innocent time ... with exceptions like Prodigy, Marilyn Manson and Korn.
Now, back to your point. The grunge era totally kicked ass!!! We would have rocked that flannel. :)

Jan said...

You see, I was the kid who liked Prodigy, Marilyn Manson and Korn.. it was the Pop musicians that always embarressed me, lol.. I dont know about it being innocent.. you remember Britney's Hit Me Baby One More Time, video. She was 16 years old.. looking back, I think it was the time of the pedifile,lol. Most of the pop videos from that time were directed by Gregory Dark, who is a hardcore and softcore porn director...interesting.... I don't know, I just feel like there was something sneaky and dirty about the entire genre (pop stars/groups) of music those days.

Meredith said...

Well, I like those bands/artists, too ... but I still listened to the boy band stuff as well.
Honestly, I'm more embarrassed that our generation let Limp Bizkit happen than the sugar pop stuff. At least we weren't the first to allow that kind of thing (NKOTB). Ha!

Anonymous said...

Well, I loved the Backstreet Boys back in the day and I still do. There is bad music in every time period and great as well. I don;t agree with some of your music choices but I do agree with you about the Pussycat Dolls. I will say differences in almost every genre makes life diverse and interesting.