Thursday, December 22, 2011

The 12 Hates of Christmas: No. 2, Kate Bosworth


There's a fairly obvious comment to be made here, but I won't do it. I'm a lady, after all.


Here at Somebody Thinks You're Fat ... Kate Bosworth has long been considered Public Enemy No. 1. Kate Effing Bosworth ... Just the name is enough to spark a firestorm of fury. Steady readers may remember viewing snippets about her in previous posts, most likely with the words "anorexic scarecrow" attached to her name in some form. You might think we've been a bit hard on ol' Kate. You might be thinking, "Why, oh why, do they passionately hate her? She seems like a sweetheart." Well ...


Let's begin, shall we?

Kate Bosworth is an actress who probably is best known for her starring role in (the undeniably awesome) Blue Crush. Yes, she was palatable and decidedly not-annoying as the lead of that film. Yes, said film came out in 2002. And yes, Blue Crush is the only movie that Kate Bosworth has been able to carry during her shockingly enduring acting career.  


Kate finds that if you catch a wave, you're sittin' on top of the world. 


Apparently, Hollywood thought that one good turn would yield several others, because she's been thrown more bones than a common lap dog. However, since she was anointed as "Hollywood's New Crush" by Entertainment Magazine in 2003 (which, I remember was met with a great deal of scathing hate mail), Kate has never been able to deliver the goods ... but still gets all the great press. 

                                                    

Kate, I know you really like it, but I'm gonna need that green dress back at some point.


Want proof? Ruminate on this: 
  • She's been in 18 films, and only four of them have logged a fresh rating on movie review aggregate site Rotten Tomatoes. Yet, she's still generally considered to be a good actress ... a performer of substance, if you will. I think we can all agree when I say, "Wait. What?"
  • With the exception of her one high-profile role as Lois Lane in Superman Returns, her box office draw falls squarely in the land of middling to abysmal. (And, technically, since that movie cost as much as it made ... she's still sucking.) But, she skids past all her ticket-return failures and still manages to find steady acting work. You know what would happen to me if every project I turned in at work lost money for my company? That's right, I'd have to spend my life shootin' up in the trash. Homeless on the street, giving HJs for cash. 
  • Good ol' Kate once told an interviewer from W Magazine that she loves to be passionate, then, said "I don't know," when asked what she's passionate about. Still, in the face of continued gaffes such as this, the media is ALWAYS presenting her as the intelligent, serious type. Really?
  • And, to boot, she wears FUGLY clothes, but is constantly being lauded as a fashionista in magazines. She was featured in the September issue of InStyle, modeling for Tom Ford. Even in someone else's clothes, Kate's own sartorial choices should get her banned for life from a magazine called InStyle. *Sigh*  Why do editors pursue this? 

This chick must have one HELL of an agent. 


Proenza Schouler or not, nobody who wears clothes this ugly should be called a "fashionista".


However, perhaps THE most infuriating thing about Kate Bosworth and her tangled web of media deception, is that her particular brand of celebrity status has enabled her to have her pick of hot guys. Wait, that's quite the understatement, so allow me to correct myself. She gets to have her pick of the HOTTEST guys ... jumping from the (formerly) smokin'-hot Orlando Bloom to site fave sexypants Alexander Skarsgard with the reckless abandon of a child on an empty playground. We realize this is bold-faced jealousy, but so what? How does she do it? HOW!?!?


Remember this? Yeah, we do. And it hurts ... oh, how it hurts.


In conclusion, we hate Kate Bosworth because ...

1. With the help of what must be the world's best agent, she's managed to cultivate an image for herself that rings untrue from every angle. Then, she uses this facade of greatness to maintain the celebrity status she needs to score the best of the best among Hollywood's hotties.
2. Do we need another reason? Reason No. 1 is bullsh!t enough. We hate you, Kate Bosworth! We HATE you, I say!


Sources: IMDb, Rotten Tomatoes, W


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6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't think anybody really likes her that much. Just the people who run the magazines.

Laura said...

Man oh man I wish she would give you your dress back. That dress is damn fine!

Meredith said...

She'd better give my dress back. Fatty gonna get it all stretched out. Ha!

Anonymous said...

I remember losing all respect for Orlando Bloom when he started dating her. He was my biggest crush at the time, and I couldn't look at him the same after he dated the female version of "The Joker." She is just awful!

Jan said...

I really hate Kate Bosworth.. the only good thing she has going for her is that she has a very symmetrical face... and its annoying

Anonymous said...

She should just be a model and forget about the acting.