Friday, December 23, 2011

The 12 Hates of Christmas: No. 1, Gwyneth Paltrow

I could not have said it better myself.

There are many reasons to hate Gwyneth Paltrow. Most of these reasons are based on the pig -filth that comes out of her own mouth ...

On why she thinks some people hate her: “My theory is twofold. I think there’s a part of me that because I think I do a lot, I think my work ethic is the reason why I’m successful. I think that a lot of people don’t want to put in effort and it’s easier to not change, not do something good for you, not work on your relationship, not make yourself a meal, not work out. [They're just] pissed off at someone else doing that."- Gwyneth
I think Gwyneth Paltrow may be from another planet. She seems so disconnected and oblivious to the most obvious things. One of said obvious things Gwyneth is oblivious to is why people hate her. The previous quote states this clearly. Never in my life have I hated someone simply because of their great work ethic. In fact, I always admire people with great work ethics. That being stated, I feel Gwyneth is in need of an intervention of sorts. This post should explain clearly why she is so hated.

The shocking truth Gwyneth? You are a smug, self-righteous, arrogant, conceited, bitch ... who has a completely warped view of the world and the people in it. These are very harsh statements from someone who has never even met the woman. However, Gwyneth, your words speak for themselves.

Moving along ... Gwyneth shared with September's Elle Decor the 12 things she cannot live without. Among them:

1. De Gournay Hand-Painted Wallpaper
2. Seasonal Flowers
3. Darren Almond’s Photography
4. Charles Edwards Star Lanterns
5. Antonio Lupi Baia Tub
6. Juxtaposed: Religion Shelf
7. Clothbound Penguin Classics
8. YUBZ Retro Handset

This is the tacky @ss, De Gournay Hand-Painted Wallpaper that she cannot live without ...

You get where I am going, correct? At first, I gave Gwyneth the benefit of the doubt. It is a decor article, so maybe she was just trying to stick to the subject. However ,after viewing Martha Stewart's list of 12 it made me change my mind (her list is down-to-earth). These are the things Gwyneth Paltrow truly believes she cannot live without. The fact that she feels she needs these things to live shows how disconnected she is from the real world.

Keeping your foot in your mouth would be a step in the right direction Gwyneth!

"We have great dinner parties at which everyone sits around talking about politics, history, art and literature---all this peppered with really funny jokes. But back in America, I was at a party and a girl looked at me and said, 'Oh, my God! Are those Juicy jeans that you're wearing?' and I thought, I can't stay here. I have to get back to Europe."-Gwyneth

God forbid Americans do not have designer stores in all of their malls. Not everyone can walk around wearing designer clothing everyday. Even in Europe, few people wear designer clothing outside the larger cities (shows how in touch with culture she is). It seems to me that this girl was trying to pay Gwyneth a compliment, only to get suffocated in a cloud of smugness. Keep in mind, just two to three breaths of toxic smug will cause you to go unconscious. Toxic smug affects your ability to breathe, a sensation similar to drowning. That poor girl ...

"I like living here because I don't fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans."- Gwyneth

The bad side of American psychology? What the f$ck is that supposed to mean? Do I really have to explain why people hate you Gwyneth? Obviously, I do when you think it is because of your work ethic! You just insulted an entire country!

In conclusion:

Gwyneth Paltrow makes hating her so easy! It's almost like she wants to make a career out of getting people to hate her. I don't even have to mention the horrible singing, cookbook, and husband. She is doing a very good job making herself the most unlikable person on earth. She's really digging into it with that good ol' work ethic that everyone is so envious of.

Lesson: Never attend a party in which Gwyneth Paltrow will be attending. It's for your own good ...


Meredith said...

Top photo and bottom photo are GENIUS! LOVE the PSA for toxic smugness. I think it's a dange that a lot of people are unaware of.

Laura said...

I remember reading about that article with hand-painted wallpaper. It's about $5 an inch or something, too. It's always nice to rub in the face of normal people how much money you make. And never trust a "foodie" who looks like they don't actually eat.

Meredith said...

I'll bet her Christmas cards say, "Happy Holidays, from the 1 percent."

Anonymous said...

Good pick for #1!! She is such a beeyotch.

Jan said...

I was just talking to Meredith about this subject. Gwyneth must not be that "worldly," because I have seen at least two people take Sh*ts (pass a bowel movement) in crowded parking lots while living in Europe.

These two incidents happened in both Germany and Italy (Meredith can vouch for the Italy about a deer in headlights..). I am not saying that all europeans sh*t in parking lots!! I love Europe! The point I am trying to make is that Europeans are no more civilized than Americans are and if she does not realize that then shes just a BIG PHONY!..