Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The 12 Hates of Christmas: No. 10, Joe Jonas



The definitive Joe Jonas picture: Failed attempt at "hipster", failed attempt at facial hair ... 


Ladies and gentleman, today I am here to declare that Joe Jonas (you know, that middle Jonas brother who has the unfortunate affinity for wearing tight white pants) is an annoying little douchebag. Of course, if you've listened to anything that Taylor Swift has said in the past three years, you already know this, but how 'bout a closer look?


Let's begin, shall we?

Joe Jonas is the lead singer of The Jonas Brothers, a pop group best known for their association with the Disney channel. At least, I think he's the lead singer. I don't really have anything to do with The Jonas Brothers. The only reason I know they exist is because I used to work at a bowling alley, and during the day, we had to play this insufferable music video DVD full of "kid-friendly" tunes. There were five videos by the Jonas Brothers on said DVD. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. 

But, even if I hadn't worked at that soul-sucking job, I'd probably know about Joe from his appearances in celebrity gossip mags. You see, although he was one of the oh-so-annoying purity ring crusaders of pop music, this guy has QUITE the dating roster ... and a history of treating his girlfriends like crap. Maybe he does it because he has extreme delusions of grandeur. Maybe he does it because he admires John Mayer. Either way, this little jerk uses his Disneyfied music to convince girls that he's a sweetie pie, before he stomps them down with his Dolce and Gabbana ankle boots. 

And, speaking of which, I've seen Joe on a few fashion blogs, too. Mostly because he dresses like a Italian guy ... a blind one. 




Joe really thinks people are going to take him seriously in spite of this. 
Hey man, only Italians can make white skinny jeans happen. 


We hate Joe Jonas because ... 

Joe's ready for a stay at the YMCA in this outfit.


1. He seems to be under the impression that he is a hipster (He isn't). A real cool guy (He isn't). You can't be either of these things if you're a male Disney star. It just isn't possible.

2. He seems to be under the impression that he can wear women's clothing and still look "hard" (He can't).
3. He seems to be under the impression that he isn't a total douche (He is). Seriously. He thinks he's a nice guy.
4. He broke up with Taylor Swift over the phone. Taylor went bat-sh!t crazy and started penning all sorts of horrible music in the name of revenge.
5. He and Camilla Belle broke up, and he went bat-sh!t crazy ... crying on stage and sh!t. Dude, you can't ever get back with her now, because you're the guy who cried. You're Aaron Carter. 
6. He broke up with Demi Lovato and immediately started dating Ashley Greene. Demi went bat-sh!t crazy and ended up in a mental hospital. Is that really his fault? Well, since he's a douche, I'm going with: Yeah, it is.
7. He broke up with Ashley Greene a week or two after Giving her a vintage Chanel bracelet for her birthday. Dude, if you're giving a girl vintage Chanel jewelry, you'd better be serious about her.
8. He's one of the Jonas brothers, for f*ck sake ... and he's not the one who somewhat resembles a young Joseph Gordon Leavitt. 

Ah, Joseph Gordon Leavitt ... now THAT's a cute little hipster. Take notes, Joe. Take notes. 

Sources: People.com, TMZ, Wikipedia


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5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think he's hot.

Jan said...

I think he's a douche..

Meredith said...

I think he needs to buy some shirts and pants that fit.

Jan said...

I think he needs to shave that sh*T off his face...

Anonymous said...

To tell the truth, I don't know any music by this guys and his bros, but I still dislike him on general principal!