Saturday, February 4, 2012

Tim Tebow is an Underwear Model ... And Also a Never-Nude?

You may have heard that Tim Tebow has a new underwear ad out, but if you're one of those easily scandalized, pearl-clutching types, don't get your panties in a twist. The family-friendly quarterback appears in the ad shirtless in a field of horses (for the ladies?) ... but wearing jeans. That's right, Jockey has hired a model who displays only five percent of the product that they are posing for. Wow, I would love to have a job where a bare minimum show of effort is not only acceptable, but lauded. And, I do apologize for that horrible pun I just did ... 

Now, I can be objective enough to note that there are many ladies out there who find Tebow attractive, but really, when I saw this ad, this is the picture that came to mind:

This is the Tobias Funke version of getting "completely undressed" at a doctor's office.
Frankly, I think he's on to something here. I hate the doctor's office.

Fans of Arrested Development (and I'm really, really hoping that you are) know that the character Tobias Funke (David Cross) suffers from Gymnophobia, the fear of nudity. His condition is so extreme that he is referred to as a "never-nude" (The show's narrator explains that the condition is "exactly what it sounds like"), and he wears jean cutoff shorts at all times, even in the shower, to protect his modesty. 

Protecting his modesty, huh? That certainly seems to be the function of the jeans in the Tebow ad. It really makes me wonder about Tim. Is he the type of guy who showers in cutoffs? I certainly wouldn't be surprised if a disgruntled Denver Broncos teammate let that info slip to the press (Hintedy-hint-hint, guys). Perhaps Tebow is also a big fan of the Blue Man Group and perpetually speaks in double entendres, unknowingly, of course. Actually, I'd like him more if that were the case. 

"I'm afraid I just blue myself." - Tobias Funke 

But, all joking aside, I have to admit that the ad is in keeping with Tebow's image as a good Christian boy (well, as much as an underwear ad can be), which makes me wonder why Jockey courted him as a spokesmodel. Mo Moorman, public relations director for Jockey International has stated that the ad has boosted their sales, so I suppose they got what they wanted. "Some things are better left to the imagination," Moorman said of the ad.

Well, maybe so, Mr. Moorman, but we're not talking about a classy evening gown here. We're talking about men in underpants. Here at this site, this is what we believe a male underwear model should look like:

Any excuse, really ... just any excuse to post ... 


Jan said...

That is not a good Jockey ad, nor is it even flattering. If he is so "holy" then he shouldn't be using his body to advertise for a "secular" brand, or even play on a "secular" sports team for that matter. I can't wait for a story to come out about him drugging and drinking it up with some male prostitute. It WILL happen its only a matter of time..... Sorry, I am so blunt.. But this site is called Sonebody Thinks You're Fat, and Everybody Hates You.. Not Everyone Thinks you're Skinny, and Everybody Loves You.. Lol Bahaha >:)

Meredith said...

Until that day, I'll settle for the eventual story that he showers in cutoff jean shorts. You know he does! :) LOL!

Jan said...


Anonymous said...

Oh, well. To each their own, I guess.