Monday, February 6, 2012

Gisele Bundchen Proves She's No Angel After Her Super Bowl Prayers Go Unanswered

You've heard of Gisele Bundchen, right? Of course you have. She's arguably the most recognizable supermodel in the world. Her perfect body and great hair made her ubiquitous in the fashion industry, most notably as the head "Angel" at Victoria's Secret ... and also enabled her to become filthy, stinking rich. You might also know that she's married to New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, who is also amazingly blessed in the looks department and ridiculously wealthy in his own right.

So, by virtue of their genetic gifts, these two effectively have the world at their fingertips ... but apparently, Gisele felt that she and Tom hadn't accrued enough blessings, so she called on her friends and family for prayers to help her "Tommy" win the Super Bowl.

Oh ... my ... GOD! (Pun intended)

Send your prayers this way, people. These two are in need of them. Isn't it obvious? 

Okay, let's set aside the fact that this couple already has everything that anybody could possibly want, including three previous Super Bowl championships for dear Tommy. People who pray for wins deserve NO respect. I certainly believe in the concept of a deity, but I would like to think that said deity has more important things to think about than which team wins a football game. Yes, I know that the Super Bowl is a matter of GREAT importance to a large number of people - a much larger number than I am comfortable with, actually - but I'd also like to think that resolving conflict in the Middle East, providing shelter and clean water to people in third world countries, and the rehabilitation of Haiti (to name just a few) would rank a little higher on God's "To Do List" than a Super Bowl victory for the Patriots. 

And after it was all said and done, it looks like the big guy in the sky was too busy to take Gisele's calls, because the Patriots blew it in the fourth quarter, and the New York Giants once again prevailed over New England's favorite sons. And, like most girls who aren't used to hearing the word no, Gisele got ANGRY. And, like most girls who get irrationally angry, she said something that I'm sure she's regretting right about now. After the game, Bundchen was videotaped responding to hecklers by saying:

"You [have] to catch the ball when you're supposed to catch the ball. My husband cannot f*cking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. I can't believe they dropped the ball so many times.

Oh ... my ... GOD! (Pun intended)

"Hey guys, my supermodel wife thinks you all suck ... and how great does my ass look right now?"

Yeah, that's a hell of an idea, Gisele. Make sure that everyone knows that your Tommy is perfect in every way and those losers he plays with are to blame for holding him back. Nothing brings a team closer together than a unanimous hatred of their quarterback, right? So, just keep talking. Maybe throw in a bit about he's more handsome than all the rest of them combined, too. At this rate, they'll be undefeated next season and Tom will have no friends, ensuring that he can spend all his free time with you. Great plan, G!

And, by "great plan," I mean, "Shut the F*CK up!" You don't need to respond to hecklers. You're Gisele f*cking Bundchen. You are a model, yes? You should have plenty of experience with ignoring people.  

So, to recap, Gisele asked God to help her husband win. When that didn't work, she blamed his teammates. Nothing but class all the way. If Gisele is smart (and she clearly isn't, but whatever), next year, she'll solicit prayers for her husband and his teammates to play to the best of their abilities and finish the game injury-free. Then, if she wishes to play the blame game, she'll play it in the privacy of her own home ... her huge expensive home that she's able to afford thanks to the multitude of blessings she already has. 

You stay classy, Gisele Bundchen.


Fear Street said...

I hate them both so...damn...much.

Jan said...

I don't find Tom Brady to be attractive.. I think he looks likea douche..

Meredith said...

I don't find either of them attractive, by virtue of their "Damn, I'm great" attitudes.